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"A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle."
(Proverbs 18:19)
There is a growing negative trend among Christians today: we get easily offended. Unfortunately, being easily offended is rooted in our American culture where rights are demanded and entitlement reigns supreme. I understand how those without the Holy Spirit living in them get highly offended rather quickly and how that offense turns into anger and that anger turns into hostility. But I have a harder time understanding why getting offended is so prevalent in our churches. Part of the problem is we have forgotten that we have been crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20), and another part of the problem is simply pride. We want our way when we want it, and if we do not get our way, then there will be a price to pay.
In our biblical text for today, Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, except for our Lord Jesus, says, "a brother offended is harder to win than a strong city." Have you ever tried to reason with someone who has taken an offense? It is nearly impossible to win them back to your good graces of those of the organization you represent. People who have been offended allow contentions to arise in their hearts. Solomon says these contentions are like "the bars of a castle". The bars of a castle are rather sturdy and impenetrable. Just like it is hard to penetrate or get through a castle with bars, so it is nearly impossible to reconcile with someone who is offended. Notice, I said nearly impossible.
So, how do you reconcile with someone you have offended? First, you have to get to the real reason, or root, of the offense. I have seen so many times that "the reason" is not the reason. The real culprit is a hurt or misunderstanding from the past. The enemy of our souls, the Devil himself, specializes in this area of harming the human heart. When an emotional cut occurs and deteriorates into an open wound, then rest assured, it will become a much more severe physical malady. The same is true in our emotions or in our spirits: if you do not recognize the real issue, then the offense will continue to only get worse.
Next, in order to get through the offense, you will need to forgive. Swallow your pride, admit any part you have played, and forgive. I know there are times when you play no part and you are totally innocent. But the remedy is the same: forgiveness. Are you still angry and upset about something that happened in your past? How is that going for you? Are you tired of dealing with all the emotional baggage and carnage? Forgiveness will liberate you and release you from the prison of unforgiveness that currently has you trapped.
Let it go. Be restored to your friend, your church, your neighbor, or to God Himself. Jesus said in Matthew 11:6, "And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me."
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