Yesterday, I wrote about the power dads have in their children's lives. According to
Ephesians 6:4, we must be careful to not provoke our children to wrath. One way many dads provoke their children is by overly criticizing their kids or not praising them at all.
Being too strict is another way to provoke children to wrath. There are times when we must hold the line and be strict with our kids, but being overly strict and draining all the fun out of life is no way to bring up children. Legalistic, overbearing, mean-spirited attitudes toward our kids dwarfs them emotionally. Some spend a lifetime trying to recover from such domestic trauma. Kent Hughes, in
Disciplines of a Godly Man, writes on page 49 that many pastors have done this with their children, and their children have rebelled. He says we must trust God with our kids and let them make some decisions on their own. I like the analogy he gives of the bar of soap. If we hold it too firmly, it shoots right out of our hand, but if we hold it too loosely, it slips away. The balance is sometimes elusive, but by God's help, we can find that balance!
Another way we can provoke our children is by not spending time with them and being too busy for them. Dads, there will be times when we will have to work late, travel, etc., but that should not be the norm. I loved spending time with my kids, both one-on-one and together as a family. Hannah and I would go on father-daughter dates, and we had a blast. Bryant, Leighton, and I would also hang out one-on-one and have a great time. Spending time with your kids when they are young is a sure way to them wanting to spend time with you when they are older.
Kent Hughes also mentions in chapter 4 of his
Disciplines of a Godly Man that being inconsistent is another way to provoke our children or lead them down a wrong path. I agree. Our kids need to see faithfulness and consistency in our lives in the way we walk with the Lord, treat our wives, and interact with others.
Positively speaking, notice that
Ephesians 6:4 says we are to bring them up; this is also in the imperative mood. We are commanded as fathers to not exasperate our children, but bring them up, nourish them, and raise them... and
we are to raise our kids and not leave that role solely to our wives. It takes time and energy to raise our kids, and there is no substitute for just being present with them.
We are to
"bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." The idea here is discipline, the correcting or chastening of our children. We are to discipline our kids, for if we do not, they will not develop self-control. I do believe in spankings, but definitely not beatings. I got beatings as a child, and it is not the way to raise your kids. But to discipline our kids when necessary shows that we care, and we are trying to build in them good character and prepare them for life.
Paul also says,
"admonition of the Lord." This word,
nouthesia, is only used three times in the New Testament and contains the idea of instruction to avoid bad behavior. We are to instruct our kids in the Lord; we must teach them the ways of God and to fear God. You cannot do that by proxy, but you teach by precept and example. When Evangeline Booth first wanted to be a part of the Salvation Army, founded by her father, William Booth, she was asked why. She said, "I saw my parents working for their people, bearing their burdens. Day and night. They did not have to say a word to me about Christianity." (Hughes, p. 53)
I will close with some very practical things that most already know but are good to be reminded of. First, make time for your wife and children. No one ever said on their deathbed that they wished they had made more money or spent more time at work. Second, love your wife, not someone else's wife, and show her affection before your children. Third, spend time one-on-one with your kids, and do what they like to do. This is not a time for you to catch up on errands and bring them along. No; go where they want to go, and give them your time and attention.
God bless you, dads; I am praying for you! The rewards of fatherhood are priceless.
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