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Since I am on sabbatical, for a few weeks, we are featuring devotions from a few guest writers. This week's devotions are written by Daniel VanCleave, Young Adult Pastor at Great Hills Baptist Church.
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Every time I respond in anger or frustration, I am reacting to unmet expectations. When my desires or expectations are not met, I am prone to act out of discouragement and defeat. Reacting to unmet expectations will always be wrong. I must choose not to react to unmet expectations, but to act in loving-kindness. The Bible says, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32).
Perhaps the most significant $7.65 that I have ever spent was on the purchase of "Student Driver" stickers for my daughter's car. Hope is 17 and learning to drive; she has a lead-foot disposition. I have learned so much about people, leadership, and myself as I sit (sometimes chewing my nails) in Hope’s passenger seat. For the most part, drivers in Austin, Texas are self-centered, hurried, and aggressively turbulent. What sort of attitude makes one blow the horn, shake their fist, and become belligerent behind the wheel? I propose that people are this way because of the frustration derived from unmet expectations. They expect all drivers to be perfect, and this is not fair! I suggest that we often expect way too much of people around us.
Since placing the "Student Driver" magnets on three sides of Hope’s car, we have not heard a single horn sound and no one has aggressively maneuvered around us or shaken their fists, but instead, people have engaged us with encouragement and support. Smiles, thumbs-up, and praying hands are now the norm. The other day, Hope accidentally cut off a speeding driver, but they moved out of her way and never sounded their horn. Why? Because of lowered expectations spurred by the "Student Driver" magnets, people sympathize with the student driver's needs. The magnets stimulate patience, and people (in kindness) adjust their selfish plans and exhibit no aggression. The only thing that has changed is they expect less of my daughter and choose to be kind.
Ephesians 4:32 calls for us to administer kindness to everyone with a tender heart, and we are to do so to the level which we have received kindness from God. God has been so good to me! When He saved me, He saved a filthy and worthless person. Keeping this in mind compels me to give kindness to others. According to Titus 3:4, it is God's kindness that delivers the grace to save us.
Here are a few tips to help navigate unmet expectations: Remember that God is watching, and we are to do everything we do for Him. Colossians 3:23-25 says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality." Secondly, Jesus said that we would account for every word we speak (Matthew 12:36). Sometimes I quote this verse in altercations and ask my antagonist for time to choose my words wisely, since I am accountable to God. Thirdly, lower your expectations and begin seeing everyone around you as a student driver in life. I am a student driver! We all are student drivers!
What would change if we predetermined kindness? What if everyone lowered their expectations and demanded less of others? How would my expectations change if I assumed that people around me are having a bad day and are hurting? What if we anticipated blunders and predetermined to respond with kindness? What if we were "kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you"? (Ephesians 4:32) I need kindness and mercy; therefore, I must lower my expectations and give kindness and mercy! (Romans 5:20; 1 Peter 2:11-12).
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